During the first year of my college life,Singapore and its lifestyle were very new to me.I had always felt uncomfortable dealing with anyone other than my friends from high school who had come along with me to Singapore. Moreover, all my school friend's parents had escorted them in order to help them settle here but that had not been the case for me and so I was quite homesick as well. Despite all this, I managed to make a lot of friends here and one of them was a girl called Teresa. She had also come from a similar family background as mine and had come to Singapore on her own as well but she never felt homesick at all .Even today , I feel that I am indebted to her for helping me settle down in NUS and deal with all the problems I had faced in the first few weeks here .Moreover,she had always been there to support me whenever I was under pressure to do some work or simply if I was emotionally down.Furthermore, since we were doing the same course and our timetables were quite similar, I had ended up spending most of my time with her.As a result of this, I had invariably become close with her .On the other hand , I had distanced myself from the rest of my friends as they never like the fact that I was perpetually hanging out with a girl whom they felt was very egoistic , always did what was most suitable for her and never cared to help others .Despite all the negative thoughts everyone had of her , I still sided with her as she was the complete opposite to what they had described her to be.
However, when I returned back to Singapore in the second semester, the scene here was completely different. She was not that amused to meet me after the holidays and to add to this, her attitude had completely changed .She had become the person my school friends had described earlier. Furthermore, she had become an anti-social element and hardly mingled with anyone unless it was a necessity.
At first ,I thought she had simply become busy with her work , but she was pretty good with academics and that she would get high grades even if she did not put in that much effort ,so I doubt that would have been an excuse for her change in behavior towards me.I had also thought that she probably had a family problem of sorts but I really could not be sure as she never really gave me the opportunity to ask her why she had changed so much.
At first ,I thought she had simply become busy with her work , but she was pretty good with academics and that she would get high grades even if she did not put in that much effort ,so I doubt that would have been an excuse for her change in behavior towards me.I had also thought that she probably had a family problem of sorts but I really could not be sure as she never really gave me the opportunity to ask her why she had changed so much.
My other friends had told me to accept her as she was and that I should stop worrying about her as she had not taken any effort to change, but for me it was not easy to accept that fact because she had been a very close friend .Moreover,it had become very difficult to fill the void she had created .
As of today , the situation is that we hardly talk to each other and now I know for a fact that things will never be the same again .Nevertheless, I would like to know in your opinion as to how I can improve my relationship with her .
In the beginning, when I was reading your post, I thought that this girl seems to be a very nice person, going all out to help you. However, as I continue reading, I find it rather unbelievable that a person can have two personalities that are so different. My first thought was that probably she was in love with you or wanted something from you. Hence, I will actually choose to believe that the “ugly side” of her is in fact her true character. Nevertheless, I would suggest that you should find an appropriate time to speak to her since you still treat her as friend. There would definitely be a reason behind the sudden drastic change in her and I feel that speaking to her is the only way to know the reason.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, some grammatical and typo errors:
1)“ As at first” can just be written as “ At first”
2) “ every befriended” to “ever befriended”
Hey Yea Wen,
DeleteI have made the changes you suggested in order to refine my post.I will also look forward to speak with her to find out the reason for the drastic change in her attitude .
Hi Sai.
ReplyDeleteThe mistakes i would like to point out have already been mentioned by yea wen.
Anyhow, I really enjoyed reading your post and I would like to share how I feel with regards to your situation. We must admit that we are bound to get influenced by others, both in a good way and bad way. The most important question you should ask yourself is how do you feel about her? If you are not sure, talk to her and listen to her. If you really conclude that she is very selfish, just give her a simple advice and let her be on her own to learn. However, this does not mean you should stop talking to her as you know that she has a character that appeals you as a friend. Do not lose this friendship because of your friends' opinions.
Min Thu
Back to normal?
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story with us, Sai. I can see that this is really a heart-felt issue for you. However, how can we possibly respond to your (rather jumbled) question when we really don't know what "the norm" was between you and this woman (why not give her a pseudonym so we can at least envision her as human?). You explain in detail what your friends thought, but you give very little attention to what you and the girl shared. There's a lack of concrete details about your relationship, for instance, how you spoke to each other, what you shared, a poignant moment that represents the closeness.
At the same time, we don't know enough about what choices your friend made and how her behavior changed. You don't share her motivations (as requested in the assignment), and so we don't know whether she has simply dedicated herself to study or to a new set of friends or what.
As a result, any advice we give will be superficial at best.
Here are a few more comments:
1) to discuss about >>> to discuss (why about?)
2) In the spirit of conciseness, your entire first paragraph could be eliminated. Does this essay need that? You're simply talking to yourself.
3) Start with this:
During the first year of my college life, Singapore and its lifestyle were very new to me. I had always felt uncomfortable dealing with anyone other than my friends from high school who had come along with me to Singapore.
(Do you see why this is more concise?)
4) a very close friend of mine >>> (more concise) a very close friend
5) Maybe some of you have probably experienced this kind of situation before, so in your opinion what do you think I should have done to get things back to normal with her.
Is this a question? Is this one thought/one sentence?
To sum up my response, I'd like to see you refine this.
Where is the blog list on your side menu?
ReplyDeleteHey Brad,
ReplyDeleteI have tried my best to refine this blog with respect to the aspects you highlighted.However, when it comes to the motivation of the girl,since I really never got the chance to speak with her upfront ,I was unable to find a concrete reason as to why she had changed.
Hi Sai,
ReplyDeleteI am quite confused that the girl who "help you settle down in NUS and deal with all the problems you had faced in the first few weeks and always be there to support you whenever you were under pressure to do some work or simply if you were emotionally down" is described by your friends as "a girl whom they felt was very egoistic".Could it be possible that 1)the girl was misunderstood by your friend or 2)she was kind of egoistic however she really cared about you and she welcomed you to be part of her life
I thought there must be some reasons why she changed her altitude toward you. You need to find out the reason otherwise things can't be fixed. I suggest you to find some chances to talk to her or maybe email her to figure out what is going on. And then decide where to go next.
I sincerely hope that things get better for you